intro: A, B verse: E F# A G# E ------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| ------------------------------------------| -0-0-4-7-9-7-4----------------------------| E F# I've screwed alot of boilers, I've prodded loads of tarts, A G# E Stabbed some open wounds and I've split them all in half E F# Knobbed a lot of women, I've stuffed a load of birds A G# F# Shagged a lot of dogs and I've pulled a load of skirt B F# And there's been a load of whores when I've used a bit of force, A G# F# But they all received the benefit of sexual intercourse B F# When they make a lot of fuss, it makes me feel sick, A B They want a soaking gusset and a more than ample dick Chorus: E A E A Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day, E F# I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank, A B There's something up with my dick - E It hurts when I wank. I've slammed a lot of crumpet, but its doing them some good, If they don't like it, they can lump it, they've all been ugly tugs. One bitch, she had a flat head, put up quite a fight, But I found a gob to place my knob, And a place to put my pint. I always end up shagging a really smelly bag and getting down to business When I just don't want to shag, Chorus. x2 end Sometimes I have to do it, lie back and think of Macc, I'm using all this drinking time to service ugly crack. Doctor, I think I've got AIDS, I get laid ten times a day, I bang a lot of beaver, but let me be frank, There's something up with my dick - It hurts when I wank.